BB Guns, Haystacks and Anger

“Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?”
— James 4:1

“I double-dog dare you, chicken!”

That is all my brother had to say and I was in. We had gone out to Lexi’s place. He and Dad were taking care of business. My brother and I were climbing on the haystack. We found a spot where the bales of hay had been stacked loosely and there was a tunnel through the 20 foot wide stack. We discussed the possibility of crawling through the tunnel when my brother issued the challenge to me. My pride would not let me back down.

I crawled into the tunnel. The square bales were not perfectly aligned, thus the tunnel. But as I crawled through the space, it got smaller and smaller. We could see light through the other side, but my ability to judge perspective failed me. I finally came to the point where my arms were stretched far in front of me, my head barely able to move and I was stuck. I couldn’t go forward, but had gone far enough I couldn’t go back. I was trapped.

The heat inside the haystack was stifling. My heart pumped furiously as my mind raced to dreadful conclusions. In the end, I panicked. I screamed with every breath I could draw. I had crawled into my own coffin. Then, Lexi and Dad pulled me from the stack.

Lexi had a grand time making fun of me once pulled to safety. He mocked me (good heartedly, but what is that to a 8-year-old boy). He accused me of screaming like a little girl. My anger broiled and then erupted. I went to my Dad’s truck and pulled out my Daisy BB gun. I looked him in the eye, then leveled my gun at his pride and joy; his new truck.

I knew better than to shoot the metal, as that would leave a mark on it that would heal faster than the mark my Dad would leave on me. So, I aimed at his tire and threatened to shoot it out. He laughed again and said, “Go ahead. Give it your best shot.”

I squeezed the trigger and time slowed to the pulse of a snail. I could see the BB in flight. Leaving the gun and getting smaller as it traversed towards the tire. My aim was perfect. It hit the tire’s side-wall exactly where I aimed. Then, the BB began to get bigger and bigger. It bounced off the tire and retraced its track to the point of origin. It struck my right hand, my trigger hand, right between the knuckles. A couple inches higher and it would have caught me in the eye.

I ended that day with a twice wounded pride (failure of the mission with my brother and Lexi), a wounded hand and a wounded butt.

So goes my dance with pride and anger. I’ve always had a short temper. The passion I communicate on stage doesn’t turn off when I step off the stage. I am passionate about everything, or I just don’t care. There is no in between.

Another time, about the same age, my brother and I took the advantage of both my parents being gone from the house to play “Cowboys & Indians” with our unloaded BB guns. It was based on the honor system. I would call out when I believed I shot my brother and vise-verse. However, my brother always claimed that I missed. So, in furious anger, I loaded my gun with a BB and let him know my aim wasn’t as poor as he thought.

He threw his gun and ran into the bedroom to collapse on the bed. I walked into the bedroom and definitively stated I had got him. The BB had pierced his shirt and his skin to the bone right in the center of his chest. In a panic, I pulled up his shirt and popped the brass pimple to get the BB out. As it was recovered from his chest, all I saw was stars. My brother caught me with a right hook to my jaw that was by far the hardest he ever gave me.

My brother carried that scar the rest of his life. However, we suffered no parental rebuke for this as neither of us could accuse the other without issuing a confession of our own. It was years later before our parents learned of this incident.

Anger is something I have struggled with all my life. I am incredibly passionate about everything I do. This is why the verse in James 4:1 speaks so loudly to me, “Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?”

I believe this with all my heart; anger mostly comes from an unfulfilled desire. The Bible does not tell us to not be angry, but rather to not sin in our anger (Ephesians 4:26-27). This has been a constant challenge for me. To take those unrealized desires to my Lord. To lay them at his feet.

My challenge today is to lay all the wrongs I feel others have committed against me at the Lord’s feet. To let go of the anger I have from not having my desires fulfilled from others, and seek how He desires to fulfill those needs in my life.

Anger is like the BB I fired at Lexi’s tire, once released it always rebounds and hurts whoever pulled the trigger more than the target. I challenge you today to consider the anger you harbor towards others. Consider what is the true desire of your heart driving that anger. Then, take it to the Lord and ask Him to fulfill that desire. If we don’t, we will find ourselves in a worse trap than I found in that haystack!

© 2025 Warren Martin. All rights Reserved.