Jesus Wasn't Nice

“Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, ‘Lord, help me!’ But He answered and said, ‘It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.’”
— Matthew 15:25-26

Hang in here with me on this one. Let me be clear: Jesus was kind, loving, compassionate and passionate, but He wasn’t nice. Neither should we be nice. Let me explain.

From my earliest memories, I have been encouraged to be nice. At home. In Sunday School. At public schools. And in life. I think most mom’s would take it as a badge of honor if their children were considered to be nice. Unfortunately, or fortunately, my mother was not among those who could claim that “honor.” I was a lot of things, but nice wasn’t one of them. I ruffled feathers a lot. However, I always wrongly felt shame from this. I knew what people meant, and it was with good intentions. Yet, words matter and so do subtle differences when standing by your values.

Nice by definition means simply “to go along to get along.” If you look it up in the dictionary it will say something along the lines of “pleasant, enjoyable, satisfactory.” Who wouldn’t want that? However, originally “nice” comes from the Latin word nescius, meaning “ignorant” or “unaware” and originally meant “foolish” or “stupid”. Over time it changed in meaning to refer to someone who was dressed well, then to someone who simply went along to get along with whatever was happening. Eventually, it became a social positive when it originally began as a social negative.

Someone who is nice never causes a disruption or problem. They go with the flow, live and let live. We were never called to be such a person. Jesus wasn’t nice. You don’t crucify people who are nice, because they would go along with whatever you wanted.

Jesus regularly called out the religious leaders of the day saying things like, “Serpents, brood of vipers! How can you escape the condemnation of hell?” (Matthew 23:33) Not nice!

He drove the money changers out of the temple with a whip (Matthew 21:12-17). Not nice!

He also met a Gentile woman who worshiped Him and begged for Him to heal her daughter. To which He responded, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.” (Matthew 15:26) Not nice! He basically called this woman a dog and her child a little dog. Why? His ministry was to the children of Israel. She was outside of His mission.

However, her response, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their master’s table” showed her great faith! Jesus’ kindness, compassion and love responded to this show of faith and He granted her desire. Her child was healed from that “very hour.”

The difference between kindness and niceness is extreme. Niceness will always share with people what they want to hear. It doesn’t ruffle feathers. Kindness always shares the truth. It shares what people need to hear, even if it ruffles some feathers. Kindness cares more about the well-being of the recipient than your own reputation. Jesus was kind, He wasn’t nice.

Does it make a difference? Yes! It makes all the difference. It doesn’t matter if you ruffle feathers or not. It only matters if you are acting out of truth, kindness, love and compassion; or not. It matters whether you are doing it for your own interests; or in the interests of those to whom you are speaking.

Ephesians 4:15 tells us that we are to be “speaking the truth in love.” We are told not to conform to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). We are to be in the world, but not of it (John 17:14-17).

Jesus had a mission to the children of Israel. His apostles had a mission to make disciples and take the message to rest of the world. We each have a personal mission as well. Do you know yours? Have you sought out God’s will and purpose for your life? Or are you constantly being sidetracked by the world with what seems to be nice and proper?

We were called to “stand firm!” (Galatians 5:1) We are to do so by being kind, compassionate and to act in love. We are not called to be nice. We are not to go along just to get along. We might ruffle some feathers, but you are in good company because Jesus wasn’t nice either. The word “nice” is not used in the Bible. Nor is the idea of being nice. The only translations that utilize the word nice do so with its middle meaning speaking to how someone is dressed or looks, not how they act.

We are called to stand firm. We are called to be bold. We are called to be kind. We are called to be compassionate. But we are also called to be the bearers of truth no matter what the consequences. We are called to share truth to the benefit of those we speak to; and God is able to speak that truth through our lives.

Grace demands the acceptance of everyone in every situation. However, grace is not grace without truth shared in love. Without truth, we are simply enabling others (and ourselves) to persist in degradation. Grace is truth and acceptance.

I am challenged to evaluate where in my life I’m trying to be nice so people will like me, instead of being kind, compassionate and bold about the truth. There are many instances of me going along to get along. I’m challenged this week to stand firm! Be bold! And focus on sharing grace: truth with compassion, acceptance and kindness. How about you?

© 2025 Warren Martin. All rights Reserved.